Diatribe about trust to follow... there is a point, trust me (hehe)
 
Do you find that too few people trust nowadays?
 
I've heard, "They've got to earn my trust," come out of so many peoples mouths that it kind of scares me.  What truly frightens me though is this phrase, "You can't trust anyone anymore these days."  I look at how wonderful our world is and I am truly abashed that people's minds have come to such foolish and emotional conclusions.  These conclusions no undoubtedly have often been reached after the airing of news media specials on accounts of child abduction, identity theft, fraud, murder et al.  I guess what people don't truly understand is that those things are going to occur one way or another... most existed since the creation of man.  Most will continue until the possible destruction or hopeful success of mankind.  We all deal in trust or the lack of trust in every part of our lives.  The employer trusts that his employee will come to work on time... and work.  The worker trusts that she will be paid on time.  The landlord trusts that the rent cheque will be in his hands on the 1st of the month.  Husbands and wives trust about so many issues they could not be listed here (perhaps one great reason that marriages are so hard... there is not enough trust).  I trust you to read this article and have some sort of reaction to it... good, bad, ambivalent... anything that provokes thought would suit me just fine.  So in a world where trust is a part of our every waking moments, why do so many feel that they can trust so few?  Ask yourself this... when was the last time you were walking down the street, looking the world face on in a state of joy or fulfillment and you had someone say hello to you?  In your elated state of being, did you say hello back?  Did you just keep walking and wondering... "what the heck?"  Did you secretly wish that you were the one who had said it first?  It's such a simple thing... a smile, a hello... but society in the bigger cities has turned trust into something... rare.  Mother Theresa once said that, "A smile is the shortest distance between two people." 

What I find even odder though, is that if you are by nature a trusting person (as I am) other people think that when you trust them so easily there must be something wrong with you.  Why would anyone be so open and so trusting unless they have hidden motives?  Or maybe they're just stupid and naive?  Don't the trusting know that sooner or later that flippant attitude towards trust will bite them in the a**?  Maybe they have heard all the warning stories.  But I see it this way;  maybe they refuse to let the fear of being openly trusting bring them down.  Maybe they have simply decided to press on gleefully with life any how.  Fear is a part of their vocabulary... if they're stuck in the woods with a big black momma bear ready to attack and defend her cubs; if they're standing alone on the sea side on their exotic vacation watching the tide suck so far back into the ocean it could mean only one thing... tragedy is about to happen.   So it's not to say that trusting people don't have fears about some things but rather than let the fears consume them... they choose instead to trust themselves and the universe.  They don't walk a path of fear... they skip on a path as they prepare for life.
 
Worse though... what if people are afraid to have others put their trust in them?  Maybe they don't feel they deserve it and as a consequence push that person away because of their own inadequacies?  To be trusted means that someone out there has decided you are it.  You are the one.  You can be there and listen, maybe help, possibly console, hopefully cheer up with humour or give guidance with life wisdom.  Then after you've done your job... been trusted... listened... helped... cheered... guided... you start to think to yourself.... who the hell am I to be that one trusted person for her/him?  My own life is not a model of picture perfect serenity and balance.  I have no right to say anything and since he/she trusts me so much then something more must be going on there.  I best get myself as far away as possible so I don't really screw someone else up. 
 
It saddens me a little when I think about trust and how often it is used either as a weapon or as a defence mechanism.  It has become so distorted I don't even know what to call what I feel for every person I meet... is it trust?  I'm not a subscriber to the "earn my trust," motto.  I believe that anyone I meet has my trust immediately.  If they lose it then there can be some serious consequences to that.  I can trust someone the moment I meet them and then be wary of them by the time I have ended the conversation.  The trust hasn't dissipated but the ability to be cautious about how much of that trust I give out at first is refined.  First impressions are a farce and only time and experience can answer the question... "Can I really trust this person?"  What layer of trust can I offer... yes I trust you to pay me back that $5 you owe me.  Sure I trust you to recommend a great restaurant to me and my family.  Of course I trust you enough to be honest with me about the outfit I'm wearing tonight.  I think I trust you enough to borrow my car just to go to the corner store.  Well, I haven't known you that long... I'm not sure if I quite trust you enough to watch my kids... give it time.  The layers build over time.
 
So, as a result... I don't really have trouble being honest with people right away.  When they ask me questions, I answer them.  I don't lie... I see no point in lying... even if it is to save someone's feelings.  Why lie when all people really want to hear is the truth and more often than not are relieved when someone finally tells them how it really is?  Trust and truth... only 2 letters differentiate those two words.  The truth... why should men trust women in bars or relationships for that matter?  Women have a tendency to lie to, "Save hurting his feelings."  I'm not sure but I think at times women are so caught up in their own world of thought that they don't understand how much easier it would be for a guy to hear, "Hey, thanks for your phone number but I'm really not interested.  I enjoyed chatting though, and hey... thanks for the beer," than it would be to have the girl feign interest and give out a fake number?  Lying is easy... telling the truth is hard.  If you can't tell someone the truth, then how can you be trusted?
 
Now confiding in others... that takes me a little time.  The trust is already there but the bond has yet to be tested.  Testing that bond is a tricky task... almost like walking a tightrope.  You want to confide because you feel a camaraderie with the person.  You want to share because let's face it... sharing feels good.  It feels good because we all seek to be understood in some fashion or another and that cannot be found without sharing and comparing.  Confiding is a point that can make or break any relationship... from a friendship to a familial connection to something as simple as telling someone close to you how much they mean to you.  The breaking comes from the motives that the receiver can tend to put behind the action.  Not every person who confides in another person has ulterior motives but a lot of people who have others confide in them may think differently, even when this type of thinking and assuming is not warranted. 
 
The worst breaking of a bond being tested?  It comes from those people who do confide solely because they do have ulterior motives.  It is people like this... the manipulators and schemers, that taint the whole symbiotic cycle that pure truth and trust can create.  A victim of one of these people is by and large a subscriber to the "earn my trust," motto.  The motto sticking to them often like superglue for the rest of their lives... especially if the victim has been a victim more than once.  Sadly the role of victim often leads to many other treacherous states... fear, sadness, hopelessness, inability to forgive, stagnancy, bitterness, loneliness, anger... do I really need to go on?  So ultimately the breaking of the bond comes from confiding in the wrong person... the type of person who will not meet you with understanding or even the slightest attempt at understanding but with distain, with manipulation, with ridicule or the most difficult one... with judgment.
 
Judgment is probably the biggest obstacle to trust and the act of confiding.  Why do you think priests have a legal obligation to keep all the secrets they are told?  Why must they offer confidentiality and help as much as possible?  Why is it their job to be compassionate, calm, forgiving, encouraging... to just be there... during almost any crisis of life (we all know the exceptions)?  Why?  Because if they didn't, no one would turn to them in need.  It is that guarantee that makes the bond and though some of these priests have misused that trust... to manipulate and betray.... that does not mean that their entire profession should be regarded with fear and distrust.  If that continues to be the case then we would be right back where we started.  "If you can't trust a priest, who can you trust anymore?"  That's as fool hardy, I believe, as saying if cars get in accidents all over the world, all of the time, then you can't trust to drive one without knowing at some point you too will be in an accident.  But the good priests don't roam the streets of our towns or peruse the neighbourhoods in which we live.  We have to find our own "good priests," and that process can be tricky.
 
If done successfully, not only will both the confidant and the confessor feel better but two lives will be changed forever... forming a new course for both.  To be trusted and to trust entails great responsibility and a wonderful joy for both parties.  The relationship need not be with a divine representative of the Lord.  It need not be with a counsellor or a licensed physician of psychology.  It need simply be with someone with whom you have gone through all the layers of trust with and gotten right to the bottom where the nice, rich crust awaits.  I guess it's just the search for trust and truth along with the trial and error during that search that is the hard part. 
 
After that... it's all sunshine and roses... trust me!