Fidelity, Sex, Romance

Written by Amber Whitman-Currier

Men are a Mystery

"If you want your marriage to sizzle, with love in the loving cup, whenever you're wrong admit it, whenever you're right shut up." -- Ogden Nash

To us women, men are a mystery, frustration and a challenge. Of course they probably say the same thing about us. They seem to send us mixed messages which are really confusing. I think it depends on the guy and what he has been through in his life that dictates how he feels about fidelity, sex and romance. The fact is that men don’t think about writing us love letters or sending us flowers or being romantic. Of course being women we crave all those things. It is obvious that men’s ideas of romance are different than ours. Men need to try to be more romantic with their woman. Then of course they are not born communicators and we have to pull every little detail out of them which is really frustrating for women. We don’t realize if we just give them some space they will talk to us eventually. Men hate women who are constantly on them. They like to refer to that as “nagging”. Then you may get the line. “You aren’t my mother!” As women we try to change, guide and show our men what to do the more the men turn away. This isn’t the way to go and can just cause more problems in the long run.

As far as sex women have the hormone oxytocin which men do not. That is why men can have sex without love entering the equation but women have a hard time separating sex and love. Men can be with more than one woman and it doesn’t seem to bother them. That is obvious or there wouldn’t be such a huge sex trade out there. Of course women have affairs too, but their feelings towards it are different. They can end up loving more than one man! They end up torn and having feelings of guilt. Women want the cuddling and talking after sex and get upset when they don’t get it. However, the fact is that some men usually work hard and get really tired after a full on sex romp! So, if your man turns over and goes to sleep just think of it as a job well done on your part. Be happy that your are having sex at all. If you want to keep having sex you have to spice it up because men like variety and get bored easily. Many couples aren’t having sex and that can affect the whole relationship. Could it be the reason some men and women stray?

When the sex is gone, the intimacy follows. Men start to feel bored and trapped and they want to flee, usually into the arms of another woman! Unfortunately, women think men are programmed to cheat. However, that is not the case. Not all men cheat! Not all men are bastards! The problem is that infidelity is actually glamorized in the media.  It is a given that men can’t be trusted, so women have bought into that theory. With the weakening moral and religious beliefs, the access to sex and permissive legislation has all contributed to a society full of infidelities. The basic needs of every individual are affection and appreciation. It is sometimes hard but you may have to let go and accept your man’s identity and not try to change him. It may take them a long time to process how they feel and may have commitment issues or just don’t want to get married. However, if he loves you that could all change. Of course, women are just the opposite. We dream of the perfect man and the perfect wedding from the time we are little till the day it finally arrives.

The fact is that men and women have different feelings, thoughts and ways of handling fidelity, sex and romance. That is not about to change. However, it doesn’t mean that men can’t try to be more understanding and romantic towards their significant other. A little goes a long way. Be creative and you will surely surprise her and make her happy that you are her man!